Larry, with an 'L'

It’s easier to imagine Eli hanging with Mickey and Goofy...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:23:11 -0500

It’s easier to imagine Eli hanging with Mickey and Goofy than with D.J. Ware or Dave Tollefson, no?

“Also, you killed your friend’s girlfriend and...

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 18:21:26 -0500

“Also, you killed your friend’s girlfriend and caused two planes to collide.” Epic work by College Humor here.

My very, very socially adroit clique often mocks the hardcore...

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:18:57 -0500

My very, very socially adroit clique often mocks the hardcore Springsteen nerds, last seen casting aspersions on the maternal forbears of Ticketmaster and Live Nation execs in the wake of another unsuccessful on-sale Saturday. But the extent to which they go to share vintage audio and video is pretty effin’ amazing. Hypothetically, if there were a torrent site named after one of Bruce’s most famous songs, you might be able to find the full-show audio there. Hypothetically.

updated from November 17, 2008

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 17:41:15 -0500

The post that fine morning was titled “LD reactions to the first song off a new Springsteen record in the years since he (LD, not BS) attained semi-adulthood.” So without any ado at all:

We Take Care Of Our Own, January 19, 2011: “His Bon Joviest moment yet. And with that, I am going to stick my head in the blender.”

"the cops definitely touched me on some of those numbers"

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:01:28 -0500

"the cops definitely touched me on some of those numbers":

NSFW, unless you happen to work in a urologist’s office. Via Justin Halpern.

heartbreaking

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 08:08:12 -0500

heartbreaking:

But as Lou put it: “Blaming his failed business on changing drinking habits and texting? If you can’t figure out how to make money selling beer in a college town, then you need to reevaluate.” So Dunbar’s, somehow, is going to be the last dive standing. That’s a huge upset.

"Cherry Pye underwent three months of expensive coaching before Maury Lykes resigned himself to the fact that she had the weakest singing voice he'd ever heard from anyone not confined to a hospice."

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 11:48:29 -0500

I know that people read Carl Hiaasen novels on airplanes, but that doesn’t make them (the novels, not the people) any less worthy. If he’s not the best satirist alive, I don’t know who is. Buy the almost unfairly entertaining Star Island here.

I defy you to write a dopier column lede

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 09:02:45 -0500

I defy you to write a dopier column lede

A Verified Famous Person lived in our apartment before us - not...

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 17:01:47 -0500

A Verified Famous Person lived in our apartment before us - not because it’s luxe and adorned with frescoes and rosette moldings, but because the owners attempted to recoup their losses by renting it out as “furnished quarters” during the housing implosion of Aught-Seven. As a result, in each of the last three years we’ve received a holiday card from the nice folks at The Tonight Show. As you can see, the card is somehow even more droll than the show itself. For a lucky few, humor and creativity are gushing spigots.

Anyway, in the absence of anything sincere and self-created, let this serve as my holiday wishes to y’all. Happy everything, everybody. See you on the other side - which is to say, seven hours from now.

satire is often lost upon those being satired

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 11:23:01 -0500

satire is often lost upon those being satired

You can understand the confusion

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 13:48:00 -0500

You can understand the confusion:

Via the jealousy-inducingly funny John Moe.

a little self-promotionalismness

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:51:00 -0500

a little self-promotionalismness:

I just started writing a twice-per-week column for MediaPost, in which I babble about web video that has an advertising/marketing slant. It’d sure be swell if you read it.

Just awesome. Via Movies.com, which I believe is some kind of...

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:55:14 -0500

Just awesome. Via Movies.com, which I believe is some kind of movie-related web site.

Review of recent household acquisition

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 16:11:57 -0500

Item: Baby boy

Condition: New, wrinkly, occasionally agitated

Cons: Is unable to complete simple tasks without assistance… Keeps the same hours as Keith Richards, minus the emergency-room downtime after falls off stage and out of trees… Cannot distinguish between adult shoulders and cribs/bassinets, and operates under misguided presumption that all three surfaces serve the same general purpose… Doesn’t respond to reason (“if you stop kicking, it will be easier to apply this soothing topical balm to your bottom”).

Pros: Already boasts a deep catalog of impressions, led by crowd-pleasers like “old man face” and “oh, the wonder of it all!”… Busts out of swaddles, no matter how skillfully applied, with ease and fiendish delight. Coupled with his double-fisted death grip, which has done more to thin the ranks of dad’s chest hair than electrolysis ever could, he projects as a checking-line center or versatile small forward… Owns a pair of big cobalt-blue eyes that will probably darken to the deep-brown tint passed along by mom and dad, but how awesome would it be if they don’t?… Rat-a-tat fart medleys will become a YouTube sensation when dad gets around to posting footage of them… Is infinitely, absurdly huggable.

Rating: Can I award more than five stars on a five-star scale? Dude’s a keeper.

cross one school off the list for the kid

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 07:51:05 -0500

“Paul Howard, 24, an aerospace engineering student, jeered the police. ‘Of course we’re going to riot,’ he said. ‘What do they expect when they tell us at 10 o’clock that they fired our football coach?’”

Like it's not enough to run the darn thing

Sun, 06 Nov 2011 10:00:19 -0500

Like it's not enough to run the darn thing:

What an amazing feat of creativity and imagination. Check out the earlier and later updates as well.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 17:05:15 -0400

I am about to become a dad. I am [mumbles inaudibly] years old. I just downloaded this for my phone. I regret nothing.

if I live until 100, I should be able to run a marathon in just under 17 hours

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 14:41:41 -0400

if I live until 100, I should be able to run a marathon in just under 17 hours:

Good to know.

Gotta love these. Don’t click if you haven’t...

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 11:58:56 -0400

Gotta love these. Don’t click if you haven’t finished season 4. Via the great and Midnight Run-worshipping Sepinwall.

Yanks in (more than) a sentence: Tigers 3, Yankees 2 (Tigers win series, 3-2)

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 09:15:49 -0400

1. What a strange series.

2. On one hand, the Tigers won it. They pitched well enough, hit well enough and fielded the ball cleanly. That last part hasn’t received enough attention: The Tigers are a dirt-rotten team defensively, yet they handled just about every single play cleanly.

3. On the other, the Yankees lost it. In the wake of any shameful, disappointing, opposite-of-heroic, character-deficit-revealing Yankee loss comes an extended exercise in goat-identification, but it can be boiled down thusly: The Yankees didn’t hit like they usually do. That’s on everyone except Posada, Gardner and Cano.

3b. Of course, if you throw Delmon Young enough pitches within spitting distance of home plate that he smacks three home runs, you’ve executed less than optimally.

4. Hell, the series was close enough that it may have hinged on Jim Leyland’s cockamamie hunches that paid off: specifically, batting no-OBP-no-SLG-no-nuthin guys ahead of Cabrera in the lineup (especially Kelly and Santiago in the two-hole). It made no sense then. It makes no sense now, nor will it tomorrow or the next day. But it worked.

5. My Joe Girardi impression: Do something! Do nothing! Do something! Do nothing! Do nothingsomething! Chomp gum aggressively! Eerily accurate, no?

6. One of the most important components of Girardi’s job next season will be ego-stomping. Jeter has to bat last and A-Rod has to bat no higher than sixth. If Girardi can’t bring himself to upset the status quo, find somebody who will.

7. It’s all A-Rod’s fault. Everything. He should’ve scored on the Posada single in the 4th. He should’ve hit home runs in the 7th and 9th innings, and probably in Games 2 and 3 as well. He should’ve given Joe Girardi noogies until he flipped Jeter and Gardner in the batting order. He should’ve printed out Russell Martin’s post-April stats and distributed them to every member of the Yankee coaching staff. He should’ve performed an emergency elbow-dectomy on Nova in the dugout.

7a. Remember how long it took for the Giambi contract to expire? The next six years are going to be a delight.

8. Two more Game Fives tonight. Baseball remains awesome.